One week. Ahh… Long as I never see you, I’ll be fine. If this is how it is for me.. You must be 100% okay. Fuck.
now you’re leaving again.
I had a revelation last night. I think I can honestly be okay for now. Emphasize the ‘for now.’
You deleted me on facebook. Hahah. I know exactly what that means. I’m also starting to think I should just forget totally. I may. A dream made me wake up. You were in it. I always remember calling you because of these dreams. Oh, well.
I wish I could read minds. Laying here is just a slow and painful torture. I like the attention I’m getting but none of it is ever really as satisfying as I wish it was.
The openhouse is today. I’m scared. I don’t know what will happen. I don’t want to go alone. Hopefully I won’t. I want you to see me happy and not alone. Even though with them, I’m still all alone.
AFTER: Oh, my god. Thank god I didn’t see you.
That’s the funny thing about it.. When it first starts out it’s a whole new feeeling; freedom! Get to do whatever you want. Etc. It’s all fun and games at first. But then it hits you. Like a brick fucking wall. & thats when you realize you need them/miss them/want them more than anything. Because it’s when you finally get the cold shriking realization. You’re alone.
I swear, I fucking hate you. Deep down I know I don’t. Maybe, though, even deeper down I actually do.
I don’t know weither to kick you out totally, or keep you around & try.
But all I know now is….